Just Watch Out For Side Effects
Author: Bill Roberts
Not sure I like these truth-in-advertising
statements that tag along on TV when
a promising product is introduced.
Sure to cure a nagging headache before
you can whistle “Dixie.” Just watch out
for a sudden outbreak of hives – with real bees!
Take two tablets first thing in the morning,
and by noon your nervous twitching will be
forgotten. Alas, all memory also may be erased.
Your infant’s cries will subside normally with
the Taste-Just-Like-Mom Pacifier, but….
an allergic reaction to Mom also may result.
Remove unwanted wrinkles the easy way
with Top-Knot Skin Stretcher, but be sure
to release the knot before using heavy machinery.
You’ll be gratified with Jiffy-Stiff.
For erections lasting 24 hours or more,
stand rigid in a cool, dry, dark, lonely place.
Dr. Sproul’s Stool Softener works overnight.
If it works so well movements won’t stop,
double-dose our sister product, Jiffy-Stiff.
(Published online in the 2/26/09 issue of Sunken Lines)
Note: A poem written entirely for fun, which could have included dozens of other new “products.” I’m always intrigued by those anti-depressant products that tell you to be cautious if you develop suicidal tendencies. Indeed!
