Bill Roberts, Poet

Old Isn't Necessarily Old

  • Home
  • About Bill Roberts
  • Contact

A Land Where Chairs on Wheels Don’t Exist

Author: Bill Roberts

Spaniards are the longest lived people on earth

said Enrique, our nimble tour guide,

and who would argue with him, telling us

Spanish olive oil ranked Number One too,

much of it carted to Italy so Italianos

can slap their red-white-and-green label on it.

The Spanish speak four different languages,

each incomprehensible from the other,

making it burdensome for a tour leader

to move around easily and convey knowledge.

But it’s easy to see why the Spaniard lives

so long – he and she walk!  Walk briskly,

everywhere, striding like marathoners,

thinking while ambulatory, only good thoughts,

for frowns are rare, perhaps even forbidden.

The Catholic Church finally gave up

its Inquisitional ways long ago, and cathedrals

are everywhere, offering mass every hour

some days, the godly on strudy bent knees,

defying the church’s supplication to give it

more children, the godly more interested in

the fun part of sex rather than the reproductive.

We did see one rather young fellow in a

mechanized wheelchair, though he seemed

more interested in speed rather than recovery,

probably one of Spain’s many NASCAR nuts.

There is little fault about Spain and the Spanish -

the streets are pristine clean, the highways

uncrowded, maneuverable, the food in great

variety and tasty, the women slim and

fashionable, the men….who gives a shit?

But one fault:  few, very few, speak English.

Imagine that:  we go all the way over there,

toss our dollars at them, and they don’t speak

our language.  Makes you wonder, eh?

Note:  Irene and I are recently back from Spain – Madrid, Toledo, Avila, Salamanca, Zaragoza, Laguardia, Bilbao, and Barcelona – loving every minute of it.  Spain is clean, underpopulated, proud, polite, p0lished, and healthy, both in mind and body.  Immigrants are welcome, to do the unpleasant jobs the natives prefer to hire out.  Think about that a minute.  Their life expectancy is something like 88 years.  So, what’s wrong with us?  Nothing really, and it’s always good to return home, even after a two quick weeks.  We stayed abroad nearly ten weeks once, and I came home, kissed the ground at the airport, immediately went off for a juicy cheeseburger.  Did about the same this time, too.

May 17th, 2010  |  Posted in Fashion, Food, Health, Human Nature, Humor, Travel  |  No Comments »

Present at Birth

Author: Bill Roberts

Present at the birth of my brother first,

in 1939, then my sister in 1941,

born in the same maternity ward,

our parents’ upstairs bedroom at

1245 35th Street in Georgetown,

northwest Washington, D.C.

I watched at Dr. Donald McDonald,

known to me as Dr. Donald Duck,

pulled first brother Jimmy from his

worn medical satchel, then sis GeeGee

from that same satchel a year and

a half later, like a magician pulls

a fluttering pigeon from his top hat.

Within a few months of GeeGee’s

arrival, the Japanese pulled their

infamous sneak attack on Pearl Harbor,

announced to us on our enormous

upright Zenith radio, causing my Dad

to cry like a baby, so Mom followed suit.

We were all crying, we kids because

earlier in the day we learned of

the passing of famous Dr. Donald Duck.

One more sister, Bee, was born three

years later, near the end of the big war,

a new doctor coming to do the honors,

no magic from his satchel, just all

business, no slight of hand – the price I paid

for being a big shot, all of eight years old.

Note:  This is a new poem, recently minted (like yesterday), to prove that the memory is still intact….though I can’t always remember where I left the car keys.  Yes, I thought babies were delivered by doctors from their worn black satchels.  Well, at least until I was eight and knew better (wink, wink).  ‘Twould be a far, far better way of knocking them out, instead of the long, tedious nine-month waiting period.  I recommend to all who read this to take up Dr. Atul Gawande’s books, especially his second one, titled Better:  A Surgeon’s Notes on Performance.  There’s a chapter later in this important book titled “The Score,” which everyone – especially all men! – should be made to read.  It’s about childbirth and it will open your eyes to some revelatory facts.  If all men read this lone chapter, the rate of childbirths in the world would plummet by at least half, within a year.  Enough said.



April 22nd, 2010  |  Posted in Uncategorized  |  No Comments »

My Love Affair With Pepper

Author: Bill Roberts

It made no sense to me why

my mother would ruin

a perfectly good slice of cantaloupe

by dousing it with pepper

until the flesh turned black.

That was then, this is now.

Now, with age, I’ve added pepper

to my repertoire, always fresh-

ground, to season a salad,

crust a grilled steak, flavor pasta

coated with tomato-based sauce,

sprinkle liberally on fried eggs

and the side of grits, even dust

lightly the peanut butter I smear

on my toast – it adds a little s0mething!

Ah, yes, you guessed it – I have

also graduated to grinding pepper

over cantaloupe slices, till

the natural color turns charcoal.

I am, after all, my mother’s child.

(Published, I believe, in 2008 in the wonderful online magazine, Slow Trains)

Note:  My mother rained pepper on almost everything she ate, to the point where it seemed all she would taste was the pepper.  I’ve followed somewhat closely in her gustatory misstep with pepper, though not to the point of killing off all other flavor.  Funny that….don’t know if my sisters and brothers have done the same or not.  Our breakfast growing up often was a big plate of freshly cooked rice, topped with crumbled up bacon and a generous slab of butter.  Lots of salt and pepper, of course, too.  Might have been the Oklahoma (from whence my mother cameth) equivalent to cereal, the poor person’s oatmeal.  For quite a long spell there I was sure we were part Chinese.

April 20th, 2010  |  Posted in Aging, Food, Human Nature, Humor, Love, Nostalgia, That's Life  |  No Comments »

An Overpopulation of Dreamers

Author: Bill Roberts

Better by far than the alternative:

being overrun in this out-of-control world

by a bunch of conniving schemers.

So many of us dreaming we’ll win Lotto,

snare the brass ring, have Fate smile upon us,

meet Mr. Right, be the last “Survivor,”

sing our way to stardom on a rigged

talent show, collect an Emmy or Oscar.

Better certainly to have a pipe-dream

than to hatch skullduggery, plot a scheme

like fast-dealing, damned convincing

Bernie Madoff.  Bernie’s evangelical

think-alike in my experience was a cohort

by the name of Gene Nobody, last name

concealed to protect those he duped.

Gene, even into his late fifties, had the face

of a fallen angel, the silver tongue that

made people reach for their wallet,

reap enough greenery to propel Gene into

a Ponzi scam like Bernie’s, only Gene’s

bilked from the goodness of Christian pals -

but Ponzi schemes know no religion.

Gene only separated three million from

church friends before they got wise, a trifle

compared to Bernie’s outrageous billions.

Bernie pulled 150 years, Gene only 120.

Hey, dreamers – fair is rarely fair, so there.

(Published online on 4/12/10 in the Marquis Cafeteria Round Table)

Gene Nobody is a real somebody in my life, though I haven’t seen him – just read about his current exploits in the newspapers – for thirty of more years.  We used to be neighbors, got involved in some insurance business transactions.

Why a good Christian boy – or man – like Gene chose to get involved in the ungodly life of crime (did he know what he was doing, I ask myself) is beyond me.  It’s why I write so much about human nature, often exploring the John Edwards syndrome.  People can be so puzzling.

April 13th, 2010  |  Posted in Aging, Human Nature, That's Life  |  No Comments »

A Day at the Beach

Author: Bill Roberts

Father Guido is only about thirty

so he hasn’t had quite enough years

to really get to know Mary,

my mother-in-law, whose funeral

service he’s guiding this cold morning.

Of course, when he visited with her

over the past four years they gabbed

but never quite made contact

because Mary’s communication system

had irreparably malfunctioned:

Alzheimer’s, the great divider.

He’s happily chatting away now up there

in the pulpit about another important

old lady in his life, his grandmother,

whose home at the beach in New Jersey

he loved to visit until she introduced

him to death at age eight, about the same

time he was getting close with God.

He told God he wouldn’t stay with his

grandmother any more if He’d let her

live, and he found out that God

doesn’t make deals like that.

It was a nice story, put a lighter touch

on the funeral.  Mary would have loved it.

I know she would have loved Father

Guido, too.  After the funeral, we all

went for a drive to the beach.

(Published in the Piedmont Literary Review, Vol, XXII, Number 2, 1999)

Note:  Another poem about my dear mother-in-law, Mary Kjersgaard, one of the true loves of my life.  It was a painful four years for Irene and me while Mary wound down to that dreaded invader, Alzheimer’s.  She’s been gone for quite a few years now, but never forgotten.  Her joyous, loving spirit still sustains us.

March 30th, 2010  |  Posted in Aging, Health, Human Nature, Love, Nostalgia, That's Life  |  No Comments »

The Downside to Overachievement

Author: Bill Roberts

At another time in another life

I was handsome, virile,

strong as an ox

and worked like a slave

because I was a slave -

handsome, virile and strong.

Because I outworked my fellow

slaves, and possibly because

I had all my teeth

and preferred the ladies

to the laddies,

I was chosen as The Chosen One -

the fellow bestowed with the honor

of capping the Pyramid at Cheops

with its uppermost stone.

This really killed me, it really did.

Two lessons:  (1) avoid pyramid schemes

and (2) never be a slave to anything.

(Published in the Fall/Winter 2007 issue of The Homestead Review)

Note:  Is this a message poem?  Read the last two lines again for the answer.  Just a fun poem, again linking me to that mysterious subject, reincarnation.  Do I believe in reincarnation?  I don’t, but all my previous selves do.

March 22nd, 2010  |  Posted in Human Nature, Humor, Nostalgia, Politics, Prejudice, That's Life  |  No Comments »

Falling Through Space

Author: Bill Roberts

Howard seems more anxious than usual

to see me this morning -

him waiting for his wife to finish exercising,

me having just showered

after water aerobics.

In greeting, he tells me he had

the craziest dream last night -

he was falling through space

and landed on his head,

which he rubs vigorously.

Again, he reminds me he’s had

Parkinson’s for fifteen years and

he’s originally from California

where the Silicon Valley now is,

from a large family of farmers.

I ask him to tell me more about

his dream, and he asks, What dream?

I tell him I had a crazy dream last night, too -

I was chasing naked girls and

couldn’t catch them.

He looks at me, either bewildered

or fascinated, and asks,

rubbing his sore bald spot,

serious as I’ve ever seen him,

Did you fall on your head, too?

(Published in 2008 online in Chantarelle’s Notebook)

Note:  This conversation with Howard occurred one morning at the Derda Center in Broomfield, CO, where Irene and I go for our workouts.  I love to chat with people, and Howard became a recognizable chat-mate over a period of months.  Most of his parlance was pretty much the same, hum-drum stuff, until this particular morning.  Not knowing quite how to answer his opening salvo about falling through space, I invented a dream of my own – oh, wouldn’t I love to chase naked girls! – and it made him pause and reflect:  maybe thinking, is this guy for real or off his rocker.  His final question was, in my estimation, the perfect response.  Sorry to say, don’t see Howard around any more.

March 17th, 2010  |  Posted in Aging, Health, Human Nature, Humor  |  No Comments »

War, Incorporated

Author: Bill Roberts

– To the memory of the George W. Bush era

Let’s face it:

Our business

In this country

Is the business of war.

We make weapons,

We sell weapons,

We like to use weapons,

Keeping WMD hidden in reserve.

The stock market climbs,

The economy thrives,

Millionaires become billionaires -

All’s right with our world.

Our President knows

Who we are,

How we respond,

Our natural inclination.

We thrive on war,

Launch into one willingly.

Hell, who’s next?

Bring ‘em on!

Note:  Just got nostalgic today for the good old days.  Don’t you miss George Bush and his gang of terrorists?  Naw, didn’t think so.

March 13th, 2010  |  Posted in Human Nature, Nostalgia, Politics, That's Life, War  |  No Comments »

Growing Things

Author: Bill Roberts

My grandmother’s garden

Continued to grow,

Wilder and wilder,

Petunias and marigolds and

Pansies peeking through

Weeds grown so thick

The flowers looked like

Prisoners peeking through bars,

Thanks to abundant rain

And my grandmother’s

Inability to leave the second

Floor where she was held

Prisoner in her room

Overlooking the garden,

Things growing wilder

As she too grew weaker,

Choked off from life,

Just like her precious flowers,

By wild, uncontrollable

Growing things.

(Published in the July 2002 issue of Offerings)

Note:  Just in the mood recently to write about loved ones lost.  I’ve written so much about my dear grandmother and her garden, which was maybe  a metaphor of life for her.  To watch that garden go the way it did after she began going downhill was another slow death to witness.  Oh, if only I had this love of growing things back then that I have now.  At least she, Emma Bartlett Boswell Roberts, left me her rich inheritance – the love of working in a garden.  Thanks, Grandma.

March 7th, 2010  |  Posted in Aging, Health, Human Nature, Love, Nostalgia, That's Life  |  No Comments »

Reckless Living

Author: Bill Roberts

– In memory of Robert R. Riddle

Mrs. Easterday wasn’t my favorite teacher,

wasn’t even my teacher,

but all of us patrolboys had to pass

her inspection, in front of her class,

when we came off duty mornings from

protecting kids as they walked to school.

She made it a point to pick on me,

point out to her snickering class that

my hair needed cutting, a good cleaning, too.

Back in those days, I got a haircut

every seven or eight weeks, so by week five

or six I probably looked a pretty fair nightmare.

She made fun of my soles, too, because they’d

flap whenever I walked or ran, so I’d have

to cut them off, walk nearly barefoot.

One particular cold morning, I must have looked

awfully shaggy, so Mrs. Easterday made a big

production in front of her kids,

handing me thirty-five cents to get a haircut,

“And I want to see it cut by tomorrow,”

she admonished, gloating as I pocketed the coins.

I entered her room shivering the next day,

bald as a veritable cueball, horrifying her and

humoring her class of perfectly coiffed kids.

She left me alone after that.  I never spilled

the beans that my barber shaved me for only

a quarter, leaving the dime to be spent recklessly.

Note:  Mrs. Easterday was a sixth-grade teacher at H. D. Hyde Elementary School in D.C., a real terror.  But, oh boy, did I put one over on her, getting head shaved and keeping that precious dime for whatever I damn well pleased.  That I almost contracted pneumonia I try to forget but can’t.  This vignette hopefully shows two things:  how so many teachers “back then” were bullies (maybe in this case for the right reason), and also how a kid, me, could cut off his hair to spite his nose.  It was another life lesson in growing up.  This poem was read at the memorial service for Bob Riddle on March 17, 2001.  Bob and I had chatted in his hospital room shortly before his death about the crazy things we did as kids.  As I recall, his stories topped mine.

March 4th, 2010  |  Posted in Children, Human Nature, Humor, Nostalgia, That's Life  |  No Comments »

<< Previous Next >>

  • Categories

    • Aging (37)
    • Animals (6)
    • Antiques (2)
    • Children (24)
    • Country-western (5)
    • Dance (1)
    • Fashion (4)
    • Food (8)
    • Health (22)
    • Human Nature (76)
    • Humor (48)
    • Love (38)
    • Movies (6)
    • Music (4)
    • Nostalgia (47)
    • Opera (1)
    • Poetry (3)
    • Politics (10)
    • Prejudice (5)
    • Science (7)
    • Sports (2)
    • That's Life (58)
    • Travel (12)
    • Uncategorized (13)
    • War (7)
  • New Book!

    Available at

    Amazon.com

  • Subscribe by email:

    Subscribe to Bill Roberts, Poet by Email
  • Archives

  • Where I've Appeared

    • Backstreet Quarterly
    • Bellowing Ark
    • Chantarelle's Notebook
    • Clark Street Review
    • Creative Juices
    • Cricket Magazine
    • Decompression Magazine
    • EDGZ Magazine
    • Flutter Poetry Journal
    • Foundling Review
    • freefall magazine
    • George & Mertie's Place
    • HazMat Review
    • Hidden Oaks Poetry Journal
    • Ibbetson Street
    • Illya's Honey
    • Into the Teeth of the Wind
    • Joey and the Black Boots
    • ken*again
    • Little Brown Poetry
    • Long Story Short
    • Lunarosity
    • Main Channel Voices
    • Main Street Rag
    • Mannequin Envy
    • Marquis Cafeteria Round Table
    • Nanny Fanny Poetry Magazine
    • Offerings Magazine
    • Parnassus Literary Journal
    • Pegasus
    • Piedmont Literary Review
    • Poetry Depth Quarterly
    • Red Owl Magazine
    • Slow Trains Magazine
    • Spare Change News
    • Sunken Lines
    • The Homestead Review
    • The Orange Room Review
    • The Raintown Review
    • The Saturday Diner
    • The Stray Branch
    • Thick With Conviction
    • Timber Creek Review
    • Waterways: Poetry in the Mainstream
    • Wilderness House Literary Review
    • Word Riot
  • Follow this blog:

    Follow this blog

Copyright © 2012 - Bill Roberts, Poet | Entries (RSS) | Comments (RSS)

WordPress theme designed by web design